Filth
by Zombiifissh
Summary: A conversation about smoking leads to an interesting new revelation for Matt, but he doesn't have long to enjoy it...


**A/N: Ah... I'm sorry I took so long!! I just wanted you all to know I'm not dead, and a more complete apology for my absence is included in the newest chapter of The Boogeyman I'm working on!! Yes, I'm still working on it. No, it's not dead, and no, you don't have to worry. Just be patient for a little while longer, is all I ask!! X.X**

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**Filth**

**By Kiki Fairy**

"That's a filthy habit, you know."

The conversation started that way, but I didn't know that it would ever end so horribly wrong. I retorted with malice, lighting up and defending my tendency to smoke.

"Filthy like that scar on your face?" I was in a bad mood; Mello had stolen and hidden my cigarettes, saying before that he was sick of the smoke. Regardless, as soon as I said those words, I regretted them. The look on his face was just too horrible. Before I could catch myself and apologize, however, he went off at me.

"Yes, Matt, _just_ like my scar. The mark I couldn't avoid getting, not can I get rid of. No, it's not like you could _stop_ smoking; no, that would be too much!" I gritted my teeth, but continued to weather the storm, since he did have a point and I'd stepped on a nerve. "It's not like smoking would ever kill you someday, and my scar's completely harmless!"

"Mello, I—"

"Shut up! Just because you don't have your lovely cigarettes, you have to crack on my face?! I've met some pretty damn annoying guys, Matt, but damn!"

I sighed. "Mello, please. I'm sorry I said that. I didn't even mean it. Really." I'm always up for avoiding confrontation… but not him.

"Then why did you?" he snapped.

"Mello, I wasn't thinking. That was my first smoke in a long time and it hadn't soaked in yet." Mello sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever…"

My curiosity—damn it to hell—got the better of me. "Why do you hate my smoking so much, anyway?"

Mello glared as he replied. "It's disgusting, for one," he said waspishly. "For two, when you smoke, you're slowly killing yourself; you're not taking care of yourself! Don't you have any respect for life? How about your parents? Would they have wanted you to slowly kill yourself?"

I looked at him as though seeing him for the first time. His growing up in an orphanage without ever having known his parents had given him an outlook on existence I'd never even thought of. "I'll quit sometime," I conceded. "Just… not right now. We've got a lot of things going on right now."

"I know," he sighed. "We've got things to do. Let's go."

We stepped out of our small apartment and down the short flight of stairs to the garage. Mello donned his helmet and straddled the seat of his motorcycle. I frowned slightly and tapped Mello's helmet to get his attention. He took it off and glared. "What?"

"What makes you love life so much?" I asked innocently. He blinked at my question, seemingly taken aback. He thought about it.

"I guess it's because… I never had a good life," he said ponderously.

"But wouldn't that make you hate it?"

"No, I believe that there's a chance for my life to get better. I'm young; I gave a lot of time left. So if I don't love it now, when will I? I can't just hate it whenever it gets bad, because…" He paused and hesitated.

"Yeah?"

"Because it's the bad that makes the good that much better," he mumbled.

It was my turn to blink. "Wow, Mello, that's really philosophical," I stated.

He glared again. "Don't make fun of me," he growled quietly before jamming his helmet back on and gunning the engine of his bike to life, effectively cutting off the conversation. He backed out of the driveway and sped off as I sighed and shook my head. I got into my car and drove in the opposite direction.

Our mission was not very clear to me, but I knew my part, at least: create a diversion to give Mello an opening to kidnap Naomi Takeda. I'm still not quite sure what he wanted her for, but I was going to do what I had to anyway. I looked up, my thoughts snapping away from Mello to see I was nearing my destination. I pulled out the tear gas gun I had and shot, then sped away. It was too easy. That was when I noticed two black cars following mine. Surprisingly, it was not the Japanese police. I was confused, but I ran anyway. It took a while, a long while.

Eventually evening faded to night, and I wondered how long this was going to go on. I fancied myself a pretty fair driver, but I had been unable to lose these guys in traffic. Although I guess that's to be expected when you're not really part of traffic.

Also, even though I gad not managed to shake them off my trail, eluding them was no real feat. I let my mind wander. Naturally it wandered beck to Mello and our earlier conversation. I concentrated, remembering, then my heart jolted and I was absolutely terrified for what seemed to be forever. Something had happened. Something bad.

'Mello..?'

I was sure of it. I didn't want to believe it, but something told me it was true.

Mello was dead.

Something broke in me, and I had to move my goggles to let the tears run down my face. How… why would this happen? What kind of a god would let this happen?

'Mello… why?'

Mello… Of all people, why Mello? He… His respect for life was just… it had just shined on me, and now… It was too much; it shouldn't have been him!

I looked up, drawn back to the real world. A blockade of cars was waiting for me.

"Damn! They got ahead of me!"

I slammed on the brakes, knowing this was it, and somehow, not even caring. I guess I didn't have the same drive to live that Mello had.

The car skidded to a stop, and it was a few seconds before I collected myself. I stepped out of the car, a freshly lit cigarette in my mouth. My eyes widened when I noticed all of the men around me were armed.

"I didn't know the Japanese police were allowed to carry around such big guns," I said, loud enough for them to hear. There was no answer. I laughed, nervously, from my diaphragm. "Come on, you wouldn't shoot a guy with glasses, would y—"

As soon as I heard the noise, one thought flashed through my head.

"I'm sorry I couldn't live for you."

BANG.

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**A/N: Yeah, I was watching that episode where they both die, and then later that day I watched an AMV that was Matt/Mello to the song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie (I think). I remembered a conversation nekoluver and I were having some days before, and then at around three in the morning this whole story popped into my head. It sucked, though, because I was at my friend's house at the time I wrote this, and she had NO REGULAR SIZED PAPER (I KNOW, right?), so I had to write this whole thing down on 3x5 inch paper… my handwriting was barely legible, it was so tiny! nn;;**


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